pulled out the question mark kick sparring with senchai today. he smiled and his eyes registered something a few steps below surprise and then he punished my legs. his catch and sweeps are magnificent, somehow leaving me sailing down from about six feet high. he goes to touch gloves as i get up, pulls back at the last second and drives home another leg kick. i try to check them but the guy is like lightning if lightning were five or six times faster and targeted your leg and instead of thunder the skies echoed with calls of "OH AYYY !"

i'm facing a strange mental situation where i'm so used to going slow and training for the benefit of others as training partners that getting used to being selfish and being okay with others being selfish in their training has been hard mental work. sparring here with a few of the other falang means a fight a lot of the time. it's not just a matter of being okay with getting hit, it's a matter of getting your game ready and going to war. it's not a place for experimentation with technique. i'm not used to that.

on the other hand, sparring with the trainers is a lot of fun. they hit you hard but they never go in to take your head off, and they have a keen awareness of your abilities. i've been hit by hard kicks, hard knees and hard punches from a number of trainers, but they were almost all because of my mistakes.

i apologized to the guy who kicked my balls that i treated badly. he took it well, then tried to take my head off sparring again. it's fine-- i shouldn't expect other people paying to train to have the best interests of some dude in mind; they're just trying to get as good as they can and that's the way they feel is best. if i don't like it i don't have to spar with them. and i want to spar with them.