i wake up to a broken fever in a huge pool of sweat after 16 hours of an on and off sleep. my head is clear. my joints ache less and while my stomach is still violent, i can actually move around without feeling like the end is come. i spend the day uploading videos and photos. i still feel a residual of last night's overwhelming guiltstorm due to missing training. there's no way i can work like this without shitting myself so it's not in any way logical, although maybe there is something to the shame i feel over how i've treated some women.

"but maybe not too," i confidently reassure myself, as i finally have an appetite that is yelling much louder than my past. what a fucking relief it is to want to eat food.